its really hot in my room right now

friend? or foe?
ive lost my understanding of what a friend is.
i can only hope.
I hope jessica is what i believe she is...in my heart.
she really is the closest friend ive ever had.....the only person ive ever truely loved.i hope i mean the same to her.
its hard to fully trust someones word because the fear of a different truth is salt on an open wound. more or so for others....but i would count that metaphor on myself as well.
i plan on asking this woman to marry me...........
but when is the right time?

hello again.

hello again world. i am mikeal.
redemption is beautiful.
this is my journal i suppose for myself.
i have many doubts that a single soul will ever take the time to read this,
but in case, maybe i can make a difference if somehow i die, and someone wants to know about me when its too late(which is exact in many cases of my own).
-mikeal

I am....

in love with Jessica Rachel Speight and proud of it.

sound

Lifesize Ken

sometimes i feel as if i myself try too hard to dress for everyone else. honestly, if lust and physical affection were not such problems in this world(and if there wasn't cold weather) i wish we didnt have to wear clothes.they were meant to cover our bodies and keep us warm. they were meant to hide our parts of our body that is attractive to save for our chosen one. i dunno, now it realy does feel like clothes are just a judgement. "don't judge a book by it's cover." now that phrase really hits me.I don't get it. style,fashion.its so important to many people i know, in which if they actually focused on the more important things in the world, it just might relieve the stress as becoming someone we're not.sometimes i feel like i need to dress a certain way in order to impress my girlfriend.sometimes i feel the need to impress people when im around her so she feels confident enough to know that she has someone people are attracted to, though thats not important in a relationship, rather being far less important than our common interests and shared memories.I don't want to attract anyone. I odn't want to impress anyone. I don't want to think i am someone better than anyone else. I am human with the same capabilities as everyone else. I don't want to think i am better because of my style, and honestly i think people are better than me because of their clothes (which is sad because it really means nothing as far as judging).but i really do feel the need to lust someones style, they pull off a certain image.but really? Some people i know, i get the feeling they like a certain someone mostly for the physical attraction.i feel like a nobody when no one talks to me for me and not my clothes.i hate shopping at h & m and forever 21, though theyre my favorite stores and i dont go out shopping too much, because i like the clothes but i see all these people running around everywhere.....its like heaven for people. but i dunno, really i cant even fully express how i feel about my disgust with fashion. it literally disgusts me. when i see a any girl with makeup,any girl who is extremely pretty or gorgeous, i only think to myself,why? why is she so pretty? why does she try so hard to look pretty? is she expecting anyone to observe these factors?is there really anything at all interesting about her personality that makes her unique? i know everyone is unique, but there are also many people who are just straight-up programmed. u know how u can go to best buy and buy a 24 inch imac.......u can buy 2, or 3, or 4....and all of those imacs u have will operate thew same exact way as each other. absolutely nothing different between them.thats who i am talking about. i lifesize computer.i don't want to be a computer anymore.I dont want to care about the stupid things i worry about if people like me or not. it doesnt matter. it doesnt matter if i don't like band tees, or if if i could, i would wear long sleeve button up shirts and a tie everyday of my life if i could. it doesnt matter wut they think......it doesnt matter if i have a passion for cartoons and kid shows i watched as a kid......it doesnt matter if i was into anime or not.it doesnt matter anymore.i want to live my life with an open interest without the world behind my back to care.

Manus

if i disappeared, i wonder if i would have any leftover friends.the ones i already have exist in an inch of my finger,and my finger shortens everyday because i bite my nails,making the end of my fingertips flat and dull,therefore making the friends in that inch as dull as it fits.Now,if i cut off that finger, i know it would bleed continuously,but would it dry out? or it could possibly talk back to me and yell for help.....and i could stitch it back up to my body.things will eventually heal and set back to normal.and then me and my friends within that inch could talk to all of the other friends i have in each inch of each finger.2 hands.5 fingers on each hand.Total=10 fingers.2 friends per finger.Total=20 friends.Two and a Zero.Each hand will consist of 1 nail on each finger,just as many nails as fingers.10 nails. Each nail will grow and and die,and grow and die, and grow and die, and grow and die, and grow and die, and grow and die because of its articulation with each friend.20 friends,2 on each finger,flexing with movements along my hand.20 friends total=A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T.....an organization of initials.I talk to them. I dream of them. I bite them. I bathe them.I eat with them.I please with them.I work with them.I train with them.
Each finger will die,and slowly decay after my body relapses of old age and a bizarre cofounder built inside of the nest of coconuts and palm trees.by 12,i exist.and just me.no fingers.no friends.no nails.each inch a none-a-meter. i exist with just my face.I exist.

cause and effect

today is the day my life has begun.

just got back a lil bit ago from george mason university.....stayin with a friend over there.and i gotta say, this whole obama thing, hes got alot of fans. haha
congrats to the new president, and i honestly hope the best for him.
please hope the best back to me, cuz i really need it at this point. i need to find my trail on the road again, this gps is just not workin when my hearts tryin to find its way around.and im back where i was before.LOST.